Dear Mr. Lucas,

Despite your best efforts, my acquaintances and I have managed to procure a copy of the original Star Wars movies in a format superior than the VHS that you sold a few years ago.

A long time ago, in a city far, far away — before you decided that your movies weren’t really the movies you were looking for — you released the original Star Wars movies in laserdisc format, giving it quality that far surpasses the VHS versions.

Recently, some sort of dementia has infected your mind, causing you to disavow your original creation. You decided that Han shooting Greedo first was somehow insensitive, and not consistant with Han Solo’s character. This decision proves that you, sir, are a putz.

In September, you decided to release your original Star Wars movies on DVD, and I waited with anticipation to see you mirror your friend, Steven Spielberg‘s decision to release the original version along with his bastardized version. Sadly, you chose to not do this.

Despite your best efforts, however, we will not forget. I will remember Sebastian Shaw, even though you chose to replace him. My children will learn that Han did shoot Greedo first. There is nothing you can do to touch the laserdisc in my attic, no matter how much you hate it.

You can live knowing that your best days are twenty years behind you, and that I wouldn’t trust you to edit my wedding film. For all I know, you’ll edit me out in twenty years, and replace me with a washed up actor from the WB.

With All Sincerity,

Tom Albrecht III